Is a spectacle all vanity, all the time? I used to think it was. The act of drawing attention to oneself - even if a desire for attention is natural or healthy - was idolatry. But what if that attention can be used as a sort of misdirection, a way to draw attention to a cause or an issue or some other thing? I now see spectacle as a tool, something that produces a vanity project only if that is the intention, only if it’s allowed to go that way. And even then- if it is perceived as vanity, so what? Is my talk of vanity all remnants of my past obsession with some vague idea of purity and worldliness and “biblical wisdom?” Is vanity inherently bad? What about being an artist, isn’t part of the deal sometimes making or doing something that could be thought of as visually stunning, spectacular even? Thinking here of Nadya Tolokonnikova, with Pussy Riot (who I’ll be seeing later this month, very stoked!). I admire her activist-art, her ability to embody spectacle (and self-love) and redirect attention to injustice and state-sanctioned atrocities. Thinking now of any other singer or artist, any performer accused of “getting political” during their award speech or late night gig. The ones who make my grandma uncomfortable when she was expecting escapism.
This long drawn out thing about spectacle came about after my endless, spiraling rumination on what the hell my role is in this current societal mess, the one where gender affirming care is being outlawed, women’s healthcare is being outlawed, white people stay scared of non-white people*, butterflies are going extinct along with affordable housing, genocide is ok as long as the US is involved…my own anxieties and mental health and intellectual ability all point to creative action (aka less talking). This is where my strength lies, where maybe I can fit in to organizing or beloved community. I just have to get over (and even sometimes healthily forget?) myself. Cue “Simple” by Nashville band buulb.
*edit: white people are afraid of losing power, of losing possession.